It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
