Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
