Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize