I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
