her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You took a bar mat shot.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
