There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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