omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
