We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
