Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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