i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
