Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
