I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
