What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this will be a night to untag.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
