apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
