i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
