Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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