I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My vagina is very pro this idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
