It's Friday. Sex?
I smell stomach acid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
