He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
