I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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