is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
