you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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