high people should be assigned attendants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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