Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
