best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
