I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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