Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
