You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
