My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
