i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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