Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
