4 words: hood of his car
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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