We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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