KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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