I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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