I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
