Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
