youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
