It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
