I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He had one of those small greek statue penises
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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