Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
