I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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