is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just google imaged poop.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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