i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is Oprah even human
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
