I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
