There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
