there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
