i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
