I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
