u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
