If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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