Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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