Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
